What's the old saying? You can put lipstick on a pig, but at the end of the day Russell Wilson is still your quarterback?
Egads. I have so much to say here and yet, I don’t even want to. Ok, since you asked…
My general assessment, from an admitted “untrained eye,” is that DangerRuss, quite frankly, is done. And not for the reasons you would think.
In my opinion Russ Wilson is done because football no longer seems to be his priority. It’s been in front of our eyes since last April yet only now is it blatantly obvious. The social events, the commercials, the spur-of-the-moment trips to other states to surprise Ciara at her social events, the personal camera crew that follows him around, the charity functions, the Trump-like obsession with daily social media postings…
This guy is simply too involved in too many things for football to ever be the 100%, unequivocal priority. Which in many instances, doesn’t matter. But when you’re a $250 million dollar face-of-the-franchise organizational leader, it does.
Look. There’s no way an 11-year vet, Super Bowl champ and 9x Pro Bowler, should be this far behind in grasping an offense he was handed the owner’s manual to six months ago. Missed wide receivers streaking towards green pastures with everything but a ball in their hands. Non-Audibles when it is clear the current play is matched up against disaster. Check downs and misreads. Let’s ride hide.
RW3 simply isn’t eating, drinking, and sleeping football anymore, and hasn’t been since he got here. Maybe since even before he got here.
Say what you will about crappy coaching and remedial play calling, this is the only thing that makes any logical sense to me. Because normally, quarterbacks of this caliber can hide those other things. Instead, Nathaniel Hackett looks more like Buddy Hackett because his quarterback is the guy at the talent show spinning plates.
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| RUSSELL WILSON HAS A LOT GOING ON Oopsie. Almost lost the season there…Caught it! Let’s Ride promotional video: get back up there ya rascal! Uh-oh, flight to LA to kiss Ciara on tv almost fell! Get Well card for Garret Bowles, I’m comin’! |
I dunno. Maybe it’s a stage-of-life thing. AT&T knows I don’t put as much relentless effort into my job as I did twelve years ago. And neither, it seems, does Mr. Unlimited.
Today’s young stars (Mahomes, Josh Allen, Joe Burrow, e.g.) exude a 24/7 passion and hunger—nay, obsession— for the game they play; Wilson, Rodgers and even the almighty Tom Brady used to as well. But now they seem distracted. Football is no longer the be-all, end-all in life. And maybe that’s the arc of life itself for quarterbacks (and telecommunication managers).
Tom Brady said it best to reporters this summer when he took an unexplained absence from Tampa’s preseason; an absence that we can now deduce was to care for personal matters at home: “I’m 45 years old, man. Shit’s happening.”
Unfortunately, for those of us with aging quarterbacks who once winged spirals with tameless hunger for records and rings, shit is indeed happening. Shit besides football. And it’s happening for the next 6 years in Broncos Country, so help us all.
Anyway, Let’s keep riding, I guess…
Last week Bird Droppings, Inc. shit the bed magnificently, going 5-9 straight up, and sullying my overall ATS record with a 6-8 mark betting the line. Hell, it’s almost as if I’m not eating, drinking, and sleeping my picks anymore! “Shit’s happening, man.”
Sigh. Russell, Russell, Russell.
If you’ve read this far, perhaps you’d like to see some picks? And if not, that’s ok. Every other thought is about the plight of my Denver Broncos anyway. So the analysis is lacking.
Bird’s Eye View
New Orleans at Arizona (-2.5)
I’ll take Arizona with a confidence level of “because they don’t employ Andy Dalton, who is 0-11 in his last 11 Prime Time starts.”
Cardinals 23 Saints 20
Was Melvin Gordon seriously crying on the sidelines Monday night? Well, at least he didn’t fumble.
Indianapolis at Tennessee (-2.5)
Since the Bills are on their bye week, we’ve come to the one game all season where I am forced to start the fantasy football QB on my roster who is not named Josh Allen. Oh, the horror.
Due to this, Matt Ryan (yep, my FFL guy this week) is all but guaranteed to smoke a turd on Sunday.
Titans 20 Colts 16
Wilson had minus -9 passing yards after halftime??
New York Giants (+3) at Jacksonville
Who would have imagined this being a completely viable matchup at this point in the season? I’ll really like the Giants getting points here, and on the heels of Saquon Barkley I’ll go ahead and pick them to win the Tom Coughlin Cup (which shouldn’t be confused for Tom Coughlin’s cup).
Giants 23 Jaguars 22
1st & 10: Latavius Murray for 5 yards. 2nd & 5: Murray for 4.5 yards. 3rd & < 1: Shotgun, spread it out & throw 13 yards downfield into the dirt. SMH.
Green Bay (-4.5) at Washington
No former Jeopardy host has ever lost consecutive games to Daniel Jones, Zach Wilson, and Taylor Heinicke, have they?
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| What is, “No?” |
Packers 27 Commanders 17
Pass interference. Defense, Number 27. Ball will placed at the spot of the foul. First down!
Detroit at Dallas (-7)
Any squad that allows 29 points and scores none of their own against a team with a rookie QB named Bailey Zappe making his first ever start can only be classified as God Awful. And that’s our Detroit Lions.
Dallas gets a shot in the arm this week offensively. Call it a Dakccination.
Cowboys 27 Lions 17
Did the Donkeys seriously just lose to a team who kicked 4 field goals with a kicker whose hamstring was rolled up like a snap bracelet?
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| Dustin Hopkins’ hammy demonstration. |
Atlanta at Cincinnati (-6)
I’ll take Joe Burrow here for all the things I said above about dudes who are consumed with being the best damn quarterback they can be.
Bengals 31 Falcons 23
With 2:14 left in the game last Monday, Wilson was sacked on a blitz almost as soon as the ball hit his hands. The Chargers didn’t even try to disguise it. It all happened in less than 2 seconds and had a visual effect as if LA sent twenty men the moment the ball was snapped. HOW does a veteran QB with Russ’s experience NOT see that coming pre-snap, and audible out of the play?
Cleveland at Baltimore (-6)
Aw, the annual Art Model Bowl (which shouldn’t be confused for the Tom Coughlin Cup).
Cleveland looks every part like a team on the brink of folding it up for the 31st time in 32 years.
And Baltimore? Well, as far as big leads are concerned, the Ravens blow them like a hooker at a bubblegum convention.
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| The Ravens lost each of these games 👆 otherwise they might be 6-0. |
If they’re smart, Baltimore will keep it close or perhaps even let their opponent rush out to a 4th quarter lead this time. That way, they won’t have to worry about crapping themselves down the stretch.
Ravens 29 Browns 22
Still pondering that last Russell Wilson thought. Can we get an “Omaha!” or any kind of pre-snap audible there? A timeout even?
Tampa Bay at Carolina (+10.5)
Tom Brady may have shit going on, and trust me when I say impending divorce is a big concentration breaker… but this is Carolina and TB12 is coming off that embarrassing loss to Kenny Pickett and an atrocious Steelers team.
Bucs win, but last week I swore off of betting Tampa to cover anything over 8 points ever again for as long as I shall live.
Buccaneers 22 Panthers 13
So long as Denver’s offense keeps doing that thing they do, which is Nothing, I’d kill for a Kenny Pickett.
New York Jets at Denver (-1.5)
Here I’ve been making fun of Zach Wilson all season when reality is, he’s made it further than Sam Darnold, Joe Flacco, Mark Sanchez, and even Chester Copperpot to leading the Goonies to One-Eyed Willie’s treasure.
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| This is our time! Our time, down here. |
If a ragtag bunch of youngins from Astoria can go into Lambeau and lay it on Rodgers and the Pack, then they can most assuredly go into Denver and be better than Wilson and the Broncos.
Against my better judgement (what’s new?), I’m going to pick Denver one last time to win, but it’ll be uglier than Mama Fratelli. Jets cover.
Broncos 17 Jets 15
Not to beat a tired drum, but watch the QB’s in this one. Which one is “at work” for the 12th straight year on a Sunday and has a “thing” to attend to later with the Mrs., plus a jersey signing and three Twitter accounts to update before Monday?
Seattle at LA Chargers (-5)
LA kickstarted their season last week and has a bye after this. All incentives for moving to 5-2 and setting up a second half run at the playoffs.
Chargers 30 Seahawks 20
Melvin Gordon plays only 9 snaps last week and essentially gets benched mid-game. He spends the wee hours of that night tweeting all over social media his desire to get out of Denver. Coach Hackett meets with Mr. Disgruntled on Wednesday and announces Melvin Gordon will start on Sunday. What the hell?
Kansas City at San Francisco (+3)
Don’t look now but the Chiefs are in a tight spot on their schedule. Out of sheer hatred for other AFC West teams I’m gonna lean toward San Fran’s defense at home, coming off an embarrassing loss to Atlanta, and Kansas City’s growing tendency to look like normal human beings at times this season.
Niners cover as home dogs. I’m gonna will my desire that they pull off the upset altogether.
49’ers 24 Chiefs 23
Coach Hackett. 🙄
Pittsburgh at Miami (-6.5)
For a moment there this season the Dolphins were interesting and sexy. Now they are slightly less interesting and the exact opposite of sexy.
This kind of makes them like Kelly McGillis.
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| Left: Miami with Tua Tagovailoa. Right: Miami without Tua Tagovailoa. |
Since Tua is back, I’ll go with sexy Miami.
Dolphins 23 Steelers 16
Chicago at New England (-8)
Bet the Nest 🔒
Houston at Las Vegas (-7)
If Las Vegas enjoyed trying to keep up with that fireworks show known as "Chiefs Football" in the Arrowhead night two weeks ago, imagine how much fun will be had playing with sparklers (Davis Mills & Co.) in the Nevada desert. Probably a lot.
Raiders 27 Texans 7
Fox in the Hen House 🪤
I keep looking at several of these games and more than a couple of spreads feel trappy. Since it is almost time to publish and I can’t make up my mind, I’m just gonna go with my gut and refer you all to my Jets-Broncos pick above.
Why on earth is the team with the all of the troubles documented in this blog —from overwhelmed quarterbacks to crying running backs, and everything inbetween— favored against an upstart team of young fire and energy and who just throttled Green Bay in Green Bay?
I’ll tell ya why. It’s a booty trap!
Holy Mary, Mother of God. There they are. The Week 7 Droppings!
Season Total Straight Up Winners: 56-37-1
Season Total Against the Spread: 51-43
Lock of the Week Picks: 4-2
Trap Game of the Week: 2-4
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| Whaddya say, coach? |
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