High Five: The Bird's Week 5 NFL Picks

High fives for make benefit of good picks, yes?

We sparkled at 12-4 Against The Spread last week, and 12-4 straight up. This is what I’m here for, bitches!

No need to say more. Let’s keep it going!

Week 5, here we go…

A Bird’s Eye View (picks and analysis)

Indianapolis at Denver (-3.5)

As if the coaching, play calling and overall results haven’t been challenging enough, now Denver is coming awfully close to meeting their deductible and it’s not even week 6.

Live look inside the Broncos’ team meetings this week.

Since the Miami Dolphins’ medical team isn't involved, I feel confident that none of Denver’s crippled guys will be cleared to play this week. 

All of that having been said, this does feel like a game where Denver can “get right.” Offensively, defensively, and everywhere else they are currently not kosher. At some point they’re going to… right?

Broncos 27  Colts 20

New York Giants (+8) at Green Bay

Again we tip our caps of condolence to those fluoride-deprived folks still mourning the loss of their Queen by sending over the very first game in the history of the London NFL series to actually pit two teams with winning records. God save the King.

I haven’t quite put my finger on why the Packers aren’t better than they’ve shown, and I know they will break out of it at some point, but Tottenham, England is not historically the place for feeling good about oneself. And Aaron Rodgers doesn’t even want to be there.

Green Bay wins, New York covers.

Packers 27  Giants 20

Detroit at New England (-2.5)

When your quarterback options are Brian Hoyer and some cat named Bailey Zappe, usually you are hosed. That is, unless your head coach is a grumpy old woman who roots for the Germans in war films.

Belichick rallying the Wehrmacht for this
week’s blitzkrieg against Detroit.

The Lions, meanwhile, are still somehow the Lions.

I’ll lean towards the Pats here to annoyingly find a way. Yes, with Bailey Zappe. Classic New England.

Patriots 23  Lions 20

Atlanta at Tampa Bay (-9)

Let’s see.

Tom Brady hasn’t lost 3 games in a row in TWENTY years. And now it appears he and Giselle are heading for divorce?

I don’t even have to consider Julio Jones’ return to Atlanta to know that Tom Brady 'bout to go to pound town on the dirty birds.

No Corderrelle Patterson and no Kyle Pitts for Atlanta doesn’t help to talk me out if this either.

Buccaneers 30  Falcons 14

Pittsburgh (+14) at Buffalo

Jesus, even for a team lane-changing from Mitch Trubisky to a rookie with tiny hands, that’s a lot of damn points. 

Pittsburgh’s defense is going to be busier than a one-legged man in a butt-kicking contest just trying to lay hands on Buffalo, let alone stop them.

I’ll assume the Bills pull all of their starters by the 4th quarter and Pittsburgh is able to sneak in a late score to cover a two touchdown spread. Then again, Buffalo might win by thirty.

Bills 30  Steelers 17

Miami at New York Jets (+3.5)

This is a tough one. 

While I've always respected that they never abuse the emotions of their fans by deluding them with illusions of greatness, the Jets do have some hope and momentum now as the Zach Wilson era is finally here for the third time.

On the other side you have the Teddy Bridgewater Dolphins.

I probably won’t respect myself in the morning, but give me the Jets and the points.

Miami wins ugly. I pick uglier.

Dolphins 20  Jets 17

Seattle (+5.5) at New Orleans

One of my rules in life is that whenever a team that is finding ways to win games plays a foe that is just as good at finding ways to lose them, always bet on the former.

With a credo like that, the nagging question of whether or not Erik the Red— I mean, Andy Dalton— starts again for New Orleans or not, is no longer relevant to this game.

Either way I like Seattle getting points against a 1-3 team who just flew in from Heathrow.

Saints 27  Seahawks 24

Houston at Jacksonville (-7)

I saw in this week’s power rankings that Houston is #32. Personally, I think that’s too high.

Jaguars 30  Texans 15

Tennessee (-2.5) at Washington

Tennessee seems to have found a bit of themselves while Washington is folding faster than Superman on laundry day.

Titans 23  Commanders 13

LA Chargers (-2.5) at Cleveland

Brutal loss for the Browns last week, which marks the second time this season the plain helmets have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory just like any good soul from Cuyahoga County would do.

Justin Herbert continues to get healthier, Keenan Allen is back, and the Chargers represent the first real defense Cleveland has had to face. None of this bodes well for the home team.

Chargers 27  Browns 24

Dallas (+5.5) at LA Rams

Last Monday night the Rams looked as if they have never handled a pass rush before. It was concerning. This is not at all how you wanna be against a defense who is turning opposing QBs into Mr. Incredible when he gets pummeled by those black blobs.

This could be Matt Stafford if LA tries to block Micah Parsons the same way they “blocked” last Monday.

Last thought: with Dak still out for Dallas, America’s Team gets to start their better quarterback for at least one more week. Ah, serendipity.

I’m a little chicken to pick an outright win, mainly because… it’s Dallas. But I do like them getting 5.5 points as underdogs.

Rams 20  Cowboys 17

Philadelphia (-5.5) at Arizona

Never bail on riding a tubular wave that shows no signs of crashing. Any lazy ass who lives a mile above sea level and has never surfed, but has seen Point Break a million times knows this.

I’m taking Gang Green again.

Eagles 29  Cardinals 22

Cincinnati (+3) at Baltimore

Maybe its because Baltimore has literally trailed for only :14 seconds this entire season(!) and are somehow 2-2, but I feel like they are the better team here.

Then again. when you blow 31-14 and 20-3 leads so easily, maybe you aren’t the 4-0 team trapped in a 2-2 body that I think you are.

The Ravens? Overrated. Biochemically no different
than eating large quantities of chocolate.

With devil's advocate thinking like this, I have no choice but to take Cincy and the points.

Ravens 26  Bengals 24

Las Vegas at Kansas City (-7.5)

Las Vegas is undoubtedly full of themselves after smashing Denver last week, but if Russell Wilson can throw for 250 yards and 2 TDs against the Raiders, then surely Pat Mahomes will have about 900 yards and 5 TDs against them.

 

I'll put my money on the team that is coming home from a back-to-back road trip to pummel a team that, had they not been gifted the Denver Broncos last week, might still be winless.

Chiefs 37  Raiders 27

Bet the Nest (Lock of the Week)

San Francisco (-6) at Carolina

Random thought not related to picking this game: Last Monday night Deebo Samuel might have scored the best, single-man effort touchdown I’ve seen since that time Marshawn Lynch stiff-armed and bitch-slapped 11 Saints defenders on his way to the Beast Quake TD in the 2011 playoffs. Either that or the Rams just proved what most of us were already thinking: it is not the Golden Age of tackling in the NFL right now.

But I digress…

Since the 49’er D has given up exactly 9 points in each of the past two weeks to Matt Stafford- and Russell Wilson-lead offenses, I can safely assume a Baker Mayfield-lead team is in deep doo doo here.

In fact, I’d bet my kid’s bike on it.

Niners 24  Panthers 6

Fox in the Hen House (Trap Game of the Week)

Chicago (+7.5) at Minnesota

The Bears are a very crappy team playing on the road for the second straight week, this time against a divisional foe who has beaten them 3 out of 4 by an average margin of 10 pts.

They’ve only scored more than 12 points one time this season and that doesn’t count because it was against the Texans.

They run an offense as conservative as the Church Lady’s wardrobe.

They couldn’t score in a 5¢ whore house with a pocket full of nickels. 

I could go on and on…

Easy, right?

 

I have been masterful at sniffing out which games are traps; but horrible in trusting myself to put my money where my mouth is. Not this time.

Chicago covers. I’m tempted to call an outright upset/win. 

Vikings 20  Bears 17

Thanks for having some droppings with your tea and crumpets! Jimmy likes the Bird Droppings!

Season Total Straight Up Winners: 40-23-1

Season Total Against the Spread:  36-28

Lock of the Week Picks: 2-2

Trap Game of the Week:  1-3

Countdown: The Bird’s Week 3 NFL Picks

Well…

Clearly my Donkeys are still working through some things.

I can’t be overly judgmental though because I too chose to not start any preseason games, hence my picks are suffering similarly. Difference is, I don’t have a ton of pre-snap penalties and clock management gaffes to show for it. Just a less-than-what’s-expected overall record for myself.

Then again, if the Raiders, Rams, Ravens, and Browns don’t all blow massive leads in the 4th quarter last week, I would have gone 10-6 ATS instead of 6-10, and could say I had a nice little Sunday.

Sigh. If “ifs” and “buts” were candy and nuts…

Anyway. The Week 3 picks start in:

Click here for the Week 3 Countdown

A Bird’s Eye View (picks and analysis)

Pittsburgh (+5) at Cleveland

God hates Cleveland and deservedly so. 

Watching the Browns break a league streak of 2,229 consecutive games where a team leading by at least 13 points in the final two minutes holds on to win, was about as Clevelandy a thing we’ve seen since that time the Cuyahoga River was on fire.

Never mind they were also the last team to lose so magnificently, when they blew a 21-7 lead in the final :32 seconds of a 2001 game against Chicago.

This is why they are called the Browns.

Which is also why its fitting they are streaming on Prime this week. Because they are hard to watch anyway. 

Steelers cover.   (FYI I’m only picking the Browns to outright win because I think it’s the only way Pittsburgh moves on from Mitch Trubisky and starts the Kenny Pickett era). 

-shrug-

Browns 16  Steelers 13

Baltimore (-2.5) at New England

I broke a cardinal rule last week: Anyone who bets on the Patriots to start a season 0-2 doesn’t know just how big of a dick William Stephen Belichick can be. I knew it the minute I got to my tailgate party last Sunday and saw the NE-PIT score.

The good news for me is, I don’t have to ponder if the Pats are going to possibly start 0-3 now, which makes it a lot easier for me to take Baltimore. Not to mention Lamar Jackson is just sick.

Ravens 24  Patriots 17

New Orleans (-2.5) at Carolina

In Week 1 Carolina sucked horribly in the first half. Last week they sucked horribly in the second half. This week I think they will just suck horribly the whole game.

Saints 27  Panthers 23

Detroit at Minnesota (-5.5)

I bet the Vikings are pretty pissed off about how badly they got ass-whooped in Philly last week. And for pretty much every year since 1946, one of the greatest cures for a team in need of redemption is playing the Detroit Lions. Minnesota sips that magical elixir this week.

Vikings 31  Lions 21

Houston at Chicago (-2.5)

So far I am not impressed with Chicago.

That said, the Houston Texans may have the worst offense this side of Boulder, Colorado. I would elaborate here but chances are my laptop battery would not last long enough to undertake such a task.

Chicago is back at home and Aaron Rodgers is 1,200 miles away in another time zone this week, which is a good thing.

Bears 20  Texans 12

Philadelphia (-6.5) at Washington

After years of watching Alabama quarterbacks dominate college football then come to the NFL and immediately start sucking, Jalen Hurts is looking more and more like the next Joe Namath or Kenny Stabler rather than the slew of A.J. McCarrons, Greg McElroys, Jeff Rutledges, Jay Barkers and however many other lame duck Crimson Tiders I can no longer recall.

I’m impressed. Until I see reason to do otherwise, I’m riding the Eagles; a team who looks like they smell blood in the NFC East and who have a silent assassin nobody is talking about under center.

Eagles 30  Commanders 20

Cincinnati (-5.5) at New York Jets

It is sensationalism of the highest order to label any game that takes place in Week 3 of the NFL season as a “must win.”

That having been said, if you are the Cincinnati Bengals, this is a must win.

Bengals 29  Jets 20

Las Vegas (-1.5) at Tennessee

Speaking of…

They say you can’t win a championship in September. But you sure as hell can lose one. After today one of these teams will be looking at a Herculean effort if they want to get back to the playoffs.

Normally I love a home dawg, but the Raiders have been competent and maybe even a little snake bit. Tennessee has just flat out sucked and may have also had their soul ripped right out of their ass last Monday in Buffalo. 

Raiders 27  Titans 24

Jacksonville (+3.5) at LA Chargers

Justin Herbert has popped rib cartilage, which is something I did to myself while coughing two years ago.

Don’t laugh.

For three weeks I couldn’t do mundane things like adjust my rear view mirror, point the tv remote, or even lift a beer to my mouth or wipe my ass unless I did so southpaw. I don’t know how in the name of Phyllis Rivers he can quarterback the Chargers without doing so either in great discomfort or on heavy drugs.

Also, Jacksonville is trending up. Which is a sentence that has never before been uttered in human history. This has to stand for something.

I’ll take the scrappy Jags to cover against a Charger team that is one sneeze away from Chase Daniel throwing to the wrong team all day.

Chargers 27  Jaguars 24

Atlanta (+1) at Seattle 

Marcus Mariota vs. Gino Smith! Finally it has happened! Remember this day my friends. Some day, when your grandchildren are sitting on your knee, they are going to ask where you were when this battle of titans occurred.

Photo from the last time two QB’s of this caliber met up on the gridiron.

I am almost too excited to pick here. All I know is, anytime you’re choosing between two mediocre teams with dipshit QB’s, it’s always wisest to take the team that’s getting points.

Falcons 24  Seahawks 21

LA Rams (-3) at Arizona

The Rams raced out to a huge lead last week then almost lost it, save for a Jalen Ramsey game-clinching interception in the end zone.

The Cards did the exact opposite, then stormed back from a 20-0 deficit to steal victory from the jaws of defeat in overtime.

I really don’t know which way to go here, but since Kyler Murray got bitch slapped by a fan after Arizona’s win and no one tried to do the same to Matt Stafford, I suppose the Rams are more likable.  

Yeah, sometimes I don’t even understand my logic.

Picking this game be like…

Rams 27  Cardinals 23

Green Bay (+2) at Tampa Bay

I kinda like the Pack here mainly because, apparently, when Tom Brady doesn’t get his kale shake and Bon Iver on vinyl in the mornings he can become quite the Karen.

Tom: “Did you hear the trash they were talking about Whole Foods?”
Mike: “Yeah. I punched that bitch for you.”

And Mike Evans will sit this one out for defending a white woman’s privileged behavior in New Orleans last week.

No Evans. Injuries. Turbulence. Green Bay covers. I think they win outright actually.

Packers 31  Buccaneers 24

San Francisco at Denver (+1.5)

Deep breath. Hear me out here.

No doubt it’s easy to pick on Denver these days.

Regardless of what you think about the play calling and general coaching awareness of one Nathaniel J. Hackett, do take heart: this line had Denver favored by 2.5 pts up until Jimmy Garoppolo became the 49’ers’ starter. Since then it has swung 4 points in the other direction, which tells us one thing: unless you think Jimmy G. is that great, Denver holds value here as a home underdog.

Their defense hasn’t given up a touchdown since the 2nd quarter of the Seattle game, and Russ now has two practice games under his belt. Garappolo does not. I’m also going to assume the Broncos don’t take 13 penalties for the third straight week. These are all difference makers if you ask me.

Oh. And if this were coming from the babbling mouth of a non-Bronco fan, it would sound more logical and less wishful thinking I assure you.

I don’t bet with my heart. But I feel this way about this game, and I do so objectively. If I’m wrong I will take up a monk-like commitment to self discipline starting Monday.

Broncos 23  49’ers 20

Dallas at New York Giants (-1)

Both of these teams are coming off of wins and have varying degrees of momentum heading into this matchup.

Call it a hunch, but I have a feeling Dallas may be feeling slightly overconfident, having punked the AFC champs just days after suspecting their season might be over.

And say what you will about the Giants, but it has been a long damn time since they have had to worry about taking an opponent lightly.

Are the Giants and their fans feeling less shame than usual after 2 games?  Yes. Is overconfidence likely? Such a notion is so foreign to these guys I have to assume No.

Giants 22  Cowboys 17

Bet the Nest  (Lock of the week)

Buffalo (-5.5) at Miami

Let’s be real. There is no betting app on any phone in the land right now where choosing Miami plus anything less than 10 points would be wise.

First of all, Miami was down 35-14 in the 4th quarter last week to Baltimore, before all hell broke loose in the Ravens’ secondary and the Phins were able to exact a miracle. If they lose that game 35-21 or 38-21 or whatever they should have lost by… the spread for this Buffalo game Sunday is not sixish points.

The Bills have won something like 20 straight games by double-digits, which basically means every week for two seasons they have been either destroying their opponent or losing to them.

Do I see them losing this Sunday? Nope. Following the trend.

Bills 41  Dolphins 31

Fox in the Hen House  (Trap Game of the week)

Kansas City (-5.5) at Indianapolis

Why in the name of Miley Cyrus’s headboard is this line so low??

I mean, Kansas City is averaging 35+ points a game, scoring like Ryan Gosling in a Sorority house, and go into this game with a ‘our weapons-vs-our opponent’s weapons’ ratio in the same neighborhood as Russia:Ukraine. 

The Colts, meanwhile, are averaging 10 pts per game against two suckhole opponents like Houston and Jacksonville. 

I see no scenario in this game where Kansas City doesn’t invade Indy and toss the little guys around by their skivvies.

How anyone who doesn’t think Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs aren’t worth 6 points against a Colts team that hasn’t scored six points since Week 1, is beyond me.. 

And every time Vegas puts up a line that seems too easy to be true, I have to look down at my feet.

Am I about to step into a trap?

Welp. I just compared the Chiefs to Vladimir Putin while suggesting a lot of scoring goes on in Hannah Montana’s bedroom. I guess I’m taking the bait. 

Chiefs 35  Colts 16

And there you have it. Let’s hope our winners all hang on for the full 60 min this week.

Season Total Straight Up Winners: 18-13-1

Season Total Against the Spread:  15-17

Lock of the Week Picks: 1-1

Trap Game of the Week:  1-1

Never have more eloquent words been spoken.

Let's Ride: The Bird’s Week 1 NFL Picks

I've said it before and I'll say it again: Nothing in the great circle of modern American existence so intensely rekindles hope’s flame like the beginning of the NFL season.

Please, take a moment to enhance the mood:

Click here to get pumped up!

In fact, a new NFL season is the only way that people living in decrepit places like East Rutherford can wash the collective bile from their mouths after having suffered the indignity of residing in such a locale for yet another year.

But enough about the rekindled aspirations of perennial losers from cities that smell like poo. These are The Bird Droppings and last year we raked thru the NFL season with precision and astuteness, going 190-101 overall and 153-135-3 against the spread. 

Pats on the back aside, last year is behind us. You can’t hit new heights by surfing old waves, so let’s grab a new one and hang ten. Looking ahead to 2022, what more can I say other than to parrot the war cry of my beloved Broncos’ new leader:

Bird Droppings…Let’s Ride.

A Bird’s Eye View (Select games and analysis)

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati (-6.5)

First off. I am not one who believes the Bengals are going to be anywhere near as good as they finished last season. I still recall a Week 14 matchup last year where 7-6 Cincinnati visited 7-6 Denver in a game pitting two desperately average clubs playing for the right to remain “in the hunt” in the AFC. The Bengals won a 15-10 fart-chaser of a game and… well, we all know what happened from there.

That being said, I do like them this Sunday opening at home with some Queen City swagger not seen since The Bird was first growing arm pit hair and the Berlin Wall was crumbling.

Six and a half points is a hefty spread for any divisional matchup, but this trip to Riverfront Stadium is going to be hell for a hated rival who has spent the better part of Terry Bradshaw's existence beating the crap out of teams from Ohio. (Editor's note: The Bird knows it is no longer Riverfront, but he has a disease where he still refers to NFL stadiums by what they were called during his childhood.)

The flames of hope, excitement, and Steeler comeuppance will be fanned with great vigor this weekend and I think the pre-kickoff Jumbotron video montage of 2021’s Super Bowl run will be worth 7 pts alone. Did I mention Pittsburgh is following Mitch Trubisky into this jungle?

Take the Bengals, minus the points.

Bengals 31  Steelers 17

Tampa Bay at Dallas (+2.5)

The Buccaneers are widely considered to be the class of the NFC. They’ve been in the thick of the championship calculations for several years now, they’ve won a recent Lombardi trophy, and their QB is that soulless bastard who has played in more Super Bowls than twenty other teams combined. Their defense is young and stout, and they have an inspired Todd Bowles donning the coach’s headset instead of that guy who looked like he owned Jurassic Park. 

The Cowboys, last I checked, still have the ever-cerebral Mike McCarthy calling the shots and haven’t sniffed a Conference title since I was in college and the Spice Girls owned MTV and a spot on our fraternity wall.

That all being said, I like Dallas here. Allow me to explain: When the Cowboys are 7-3 and playing right into the hopes and dreams of their loyally stupid fanbase, look for them to crap the bed like Amber Heard and limp into their annual 8 win finish. Until then though, watch them get all of Cowboy Nation excited as hell. Dallas certainly covers. I predict they might even win outright. 

Cowboys 27  Buccaneers 24

Indianapolis (-7) at Houston

I think it's safe to say that the Cleveland Browns and Houston-area masseuses equally had the league’s most tumultuous off-season. Well then, the Houston-area football team had the most disastrous.

The Texans will sport new alternate helmets for select games this year. 

When your Plan B is a dude named Davis Mills handing off to a guy named Marlon while throwing to a bunch of schmendricks not named DeAndre Hopkins or Will Fuller, and your defense is a basic scheme of hoping the other team doesn’t realize JJ Watt has left, well… you can rest easy Colts fans and south Texas massage ladies.  

Matt Ryan’s Indy debut is going to go very well me thinks.

Colts 34  Dumpster Fires 17

 

Baltimore (-6.5) at New York Jets

Baltimore was 8-4 last year and in the driver’s seat in the AFC North before Lamar Jackson suffered his season ending injury and they lost all 5 of their remaining games. Let’s not forget that.

The Jets finished 4-13 with their quarterback of the future (who again has been sidelined before his second season even begins) and who apparently spends his off-field time boning his mom’s friends. To be fair, let’s not forget that either.

One team’s QB is back in action; healthy, eager to redeem his team’s title hopes, and in the motivational throes of playing in a contract year. The other team’s guy is out with a bum knee and in the motivational throes of giving his mom’s old college friend a candle lit back rub last night.

Easy peasy.

Ravens 27  Jets 17

Bet the Nest  (Lock of the week)

New York Giants at Tennessee (-5.5)

For 9 months Tennessee has had to live with the halitosis of winning last year’s AFC 1-seed and home field advantage, only to watch Ryan Tannehill channel his inner Kerry Collins and f— it all up.

Meanwhile Giants fans continue to hope that someday Daniel Jones will channel his inner Kerry Collins as a general sign of improvement. This is not good.

Look for the Titans to rage a little. 

Titans 27  Giants 9

 

Fox in the Hen House  (Trap game of the week) 

New England at Miami (-3.5)

Under normal circumstances, placing my confidence behind any team wearing aquamarine tights generates excessive reflux. Also under normal circumstances, anytime you can get points with a Bill Belichick Patriots team against any opponent as shitty as Miami, you should take them and run. 

I mean, who in the name of Sam Wynn Casino would ever pit a team that finished 7-10 against a perennial playoff team coached by Throw Mama From the Train and then make them nearly 4 point favorites?

Yet here we are, staring at the Dolphins as solid favorites going into the opener. *scratches head*

Despite all this, I think I get it. Miami is a horrible place to be this time of year, let alone while wearing football gear. With the eastern seaboard averaging a heat index that rivals satan’s living room, and the fact that since it’s Week 1 we can imagine more than 950 fans showing up, there should be a bona fide home field advantage at play. 

It feels like a trap, but clearly the smart money seems to be going toward the home team. I’ll bite. 

Dolphins 24 Patriots 20

Kill Two (or more) Birds with One Stone (The rest of the picks)

Buffalo at LA Rams  (+2.5)

Not since we all tuned in to see who shot J.R. has a season opener been so intriguing. You could bet either team here and not be called crazy, which is usually an indicator that you should stay away and just enjoy it. Bills 31  Rams 30

San Francisco at Chicago (+6.5)

Trey Lance vs. Justin Fields and one of the two has an O-Line that leaks like Edward Snowden at an NSA mixer. I’ll take Chicago with a back door cover but San Fran definitely wins. 49’ers 20  Bears 16

Philadelphia at Detroit (+4.5)

Restore the Roar.  Lions 26  Eagles 23  OT

Jacksonville at Washington (-2.5)

I’ve cancelled my cable package simply so I don’t accidentally see any of this game. Since I have the Jacksonville running back on my fantasy team, I feel safe picking him to suck and the home team to win. Commanders 23  Jaguars 20

New Orleans at Atlanta (+5.5)

‘Nawlins gets Jameis Winston back and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. The Dirty Birds roll with Marcus Marriota and I realize I am equally flummoxed on this too. Saints 30  Falcons 27

Kansas City (-5) at Arizona

Arizona’s roster resembles a MASH unit. Kansas City’s does not. Chiefs 31  Cardinals 17

Cleveland at Carolina (+1.5)

No one expects him to be Cam Newton, but if Baker Mayfield can drum up -at a minimum!- the fond memories of Steve Burlein or Jake Delhomme, Panther Nation will be happy. It’s also Week 1, which means Christian McCaffrey hasn’t broken or torn anything yet. Panthers 26 Browns 17

Green Bay at Minnesota (+1.5)

Green Bay seems to always start slow. And by “start slow” I mean “gets blown out in Week 1.”  Vikings 30 Packers 20

Las Vegas at LA Chargers (-3.5)

Too much fire power from the home team and I hate the visitors.  Chargers 31  Raiders 21

Denver at Seattle (+6.5)

If there’s one game all season that Pete Carrol and Seattle will be ready for, it’s this one. Six and a half seems like a big number to cover on this road trip so I’ll take the underdogs plus the points. Broncos 27 Seahawks 24  

And so it begins, my friends! Good luck!