Dumb & Dumber: The Bird’s Week 2 NFL Picks

And just like that, we’re off and running! 

You know, it’s hard to believe but there were more episodes of this year’s Hard Knocks (5) than snaps taken by Aaron Rodgers in a Jets uniform (4). Damn. 

Sir. Aaron Rodgers is down.

Let’s move to Week 2, Electric Boogaloo! 

Oh. But first, a lightning quick recap of last week’s picks:

Click for a very brief recap of Week 1

Yep. Simple as that.

Off we go!

New York Giants at Arizona (+4)

There was a brief moment recently when the most repellent thing to happen this month was that Atlanta-to-Barcelona flight that had to turn around because a passenger had “violent diarrhea” all the way down the aisle at 30,000 feet.

Oh, the horror.

Then I saw Daniel Jones and Joshua Dobbs play quarterback last Sunday. 

This is disgusting.

When such repulsiveness is in play, always take the points and the under. 

Giants 20  Cardinals 17

New York Jets at Dallas (-9)

So the Jets just pulled off the equivalent of a 23-year old gamer, who happened to be in Seat 7A and has massive Air Combat 7 Xbox experience, landing a 737 after the pilot dies mid-flight over the Atlantic. Probably because some lady shit herself down the aisle.

Jesus. It won’t happen this way in Week 2 I assure you. Not for the MILF Hunter Zach Wilson against that Dallas D.

While New York’s defense should put up a better fight than did their step brothers from the Wellington Mara brood, Dallas will be far superior once again today. 

The Jets defense trying to hold up Zach Wilson
and the offense for the next 16 weeks. 

Cowboys 27  Jets 12

Washington (+3.5) at Denver 

The annual Bird Droppings “rant on the state of the Denver Broncos” is nigh, my friends. Very nigh.

I told a good friend and Droppings Gold Club Member before last week’s opener that the over/under for said rant was Week 5 1/2. We simultaneously took the under. Stay tuned. 

That being said, if you can’t beat Sam Howell at home, who can you beat?

Broncos 19   Commanders 16

Kansas City (-3.5) at Jacksonville  

Normally I would pray to God for a Jacksonville win that sends KC to an 0-2 start for the season. 

However, since God has more pressing things like Moroccan earthquake victims, Ukrainian refugees, and people from the Atlanta diarrhea plane to answer prayers for, I’ll just bet on the Chiefs and exact my reverse jinx powers. 

Chiefs 31  Jaguars 27

Enjoy the weekend of football, folks! 

Season Total Straight Up Winners: 1-3

Season Total Against the Spread:  1-3