As we head into the next month, what better way to assess the cutthroat undercurrent of the NFL Playoffs than by correlating the participants with their alter-egos from the most ruthless example of cutthroatery America knows?
Ladies and Gentlemen… I present to you… The Yellowstone NFL Playoff Preview edition of the Bird Droppings.
Let’s examine the psychology, mentality, and overall dramatis personae of the upcoming playoffs.
The characters:
Tendencies: Success, image, and overall legacy are all that matter. Stubborn in their ways to a fault and can be obnoxiously boisterous in pride with a “my way or the highway” approach to daily life that sometimes blinds them to the current ways of the world. A driving resentment lies beneath the surface with the John Dutton's, one born from a lost love or some sort of past trauma, such as losing a wife, a quarterback named Tom, or simply not having won a trophy in two or more decades.
Reality: Apt to take a beating from time to time in spite of themselves. Can lose sight of the present while reminiscing on how great the past was. Still win many battles but the overall war is long and tiresome at this point. Turnover at the top is near, and younger generations will soon run the show.
Outlook: Has all the tools to run this thing and come out on top in the end, but it won't be without a scowl and some heavy limping.
Odds to Advance/Overall Rating: 3 1/2 out 5 train stations.
Tendencies: Questionable rationale in most day-to-day actions. Full of raging mood swings that border on criminal, but such coping tools have saved them from loss & depression and, on occasion, near death. Such a glorious train wreck at times that it’s hard not to watch and even harder not to root for the wreck. Not uncommon to have a bomb explode in their face, hold a gun to their own heads, or fumble with the game on the line. It’s often ugly in Beth’s world but somehow they're still here despite giving up a million 4th and longs to the LA Chargers.
Reality: Seems to mean well most of the time but rarely able to get out of their own way. Also seems to Not mean well most of the time and happy to get in anybody else's way. Who knows.
Outlook: Will either explode gloriously or implode gloriously. It depends on the day.
Odds to Advance/Overall Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 bottles of booze, leave the glass in the cupboard.
 |
Tendencies: Generally likable and tends to look good in whatever situation he's in. Ball cap, cowboy hat, fishing, packing heat, shirt on, shirt off, 70's porn 'stache, Kevlar vest… it doesn’t matter. Most everyone else could learn from the Kayce’s of the league and secretly have a desirable eye to be like them. If you're a Kayce Dutton, you can usually take anyone’s best shot and shoot back with vigilant and valiant precision.
Reality: Future is extremely bright, widespread success seems imminent even if it doesn't fit the exact mold of the groundwork their predecessor(s) set. Most likely to become the next John Duttons but content on doing it their own way, with a touch of old school and a whole bunch of refreshing new clarity on how to keep the straight and narrow. Kayce Dutton's are successful bards of their generation with bountiful gains foreseeable in the next 5 years. Even with struggles in some of the more private matters that others don't see, Kayce is always looking to do the best. Respect.
Outlook: Favorites to do something that is both good and badass.
Tendencies: Generally fighting for relevance even though it's not quite evident that such an accolade is warranted. This leads to conflict and self-doubt that makes it almost paralyzing for the Jamie's to establish themselves even though the desire to have some success is palpable. Not really used to winning, but rest assured they are capable of causing chaos and unrest to others as they try their asses off.
Reality: Quite possibly --nay, absolutely-- the most intriguing character of the bunch. Not only is it hard sometimes to figure out how a Jamie Dutton fits in, but it's equally mysterious as to how his next game plan might play out. The upside to such ambiguity is that Jamie can be somewhat of a wild card, and wild cards come as loose cannons. It's also possible they are more capable than everyone else thinks, which adds a level of danger. The downside is they have weird looking hair and are adopted. Should definitely stay away from Beth, which does not bode well for Cincy.
Outlook: Potential is there, but very likely to wimp out or cry like a wussy if things get super difficult.
Tendencies: Misplaced and unresolved anger from troubled pasts are bubbling underneath the top layer with our Rip Wheeler's. Whether an 0-4 Super Bowl record or losing the big one by less than a yard as time expired, such pangs still burn as deep as losing your mother and brother to an abusive father and then shooting that bastard. Decades later, learning to channel that into pure badassery and an image of being something that no one wants a piece of seems to be a primary M.O.
Reality: Behind the shades and without that toothpick exists a second layer where soft spots can be exposed if the right game plan is called (or if the breasts are as nice as Beth's). Either way, if you can find your way to it and peel back the bravado or stop Derek Henry, an easier version will surface. Despite the tough guy swagger, Rip Wheeler's don't have a lot of true power to wield in life, and have little to show from the past other than being relocated and/or loyal as hell. All of this together presents something bigger and better dying to happen, but until inner demons are dealt with (or Bill Belichick-- I mean, John Dutton-- dies), Rip remains just a scary dude in the AFC bunkhouse.
Outlook: If in a fight, they're gonna fight back and they just might win, so watch out who you mess with.
Odds to Advance/Overall Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 rattlesnakes in a lunch cooler.
So here we go! The best time of the football season is here, and the picks for Wild Card Weekend will be posted by Saturday's kickoff. Here is how the regular season finished up:
Last Week Straight Up Winners: 11-5
Current Season Total Straight Up Winners: 176-96
Last Week Against the Spread: 8-8
Current Season Total Against Spread: 144-125-3
"The Lombardi Trophy is the trailer park. The next three weekends are the tornado."
--Beth Dutton (Well, sorta. I'm paraphrasing.)
haha..I like it! Thanks for the analogy! :)
ReplyDelete